Although 1 in 3 U.S. women are victims of domestic violence and women are almost twice as likely as men to be victims of severe domestic violence, it is often forgotten how common it is for men to be victims of domestic violence. One-fourth of men are victims of intimate partner violence.

That said, when it comes to rape, murder, and stalking, women are much more likely to be victims of male violence.




millennial men

Of America’s roughly 38 million Millennial men, only 71 percent were employed in 2014, compared to 84 percent in 1960. Rising college attendance accounts for some of this change, but certainly not all, as Millennials have been the hardest-hit generation by the Great Recession and its aftermath, In 2015, 22 percent of men in their 20’s without a college degree had not worked during the last year.


What happens when a new hire in an influential position at one of America’s most respected institutions is discovered to have tweeted: “Oh man, it’s kind of sick how much joy I get out of being cruel to old white men”

Then, we find out that she also tweeted an attack on what she called ““dumbass f–king white people.”

It gets worse, more vile and idiotic, as another of her tweets asked: “Are white people genetically predisposed to burn faster in the sun, thus logically being only fit to live underground like groveling goblins.”

OK. Sometimes people say stupid things, but when they say the same kinds of stupid things over and over, it’s not a one-off mistake. It’s vicious and kinda suggests that the writer or speaker is generally pretty stupid.

The litany of her tweets go on: The hashtag, #CancelWhitePeople.” The sickening statement that: “White people have stopped breeding. You’ll all go extinct soon. This was my plan all along.”

Hmmm. Who does this sound like? Wasn’t there a German dictator who made similar comments who the United States and its allies fought to defeat in the 1940s in a war in which more than 50 million people died?

Yes, there’s a lot of racism and prejudices of many kinds in the world. White people–men in particular–have been especially guilty over the centuries. There also have been endless other people, of many different ethnic backgrounds who have attacked groups they consider “the other,” dangerous, and inferior. Think sexism, antisemitism, Islamophobia, attacks on LGBT people, Sunnis and Shiites, African and other tribal hatreds, the animosity between Japan and Korea. The list goes on and on.

So, now it’s 2018. The #MeToo movement has brought attention to sexual harassment, which is unacceptable either as an action or in words. Just five months ago, the same media organization that is standing by their writer of anti-white garbage fired another new hire for having made derogatory remarks about African Americans and gays, and talking about her friendships with neo-Nazis.

It saddens me to mention the institution in this matter–The New York Times–because I worked for it for more than 11 years and I still have enormous respect for it.

Yes, there are bad guys (and gals) in business, government, and nonprofits, but when an employee does something this is outstandingly reprehensible, they are usually told to clean out their desks and go.

The anti-white, anti-male writer justifies her not-so-long-ago tweets as a reaction to online harassers. It’s very true that many men use the Internet to say some incredibly disgusting things about women. She also said that her comments were intended as “satire.” It has become much easier to make fun of men than to do the same with women in movies, TV, and comedy acts these days–which is another issue. But reveling in being to cruel old white men is a far cry from “The Big Lebowski,” “The Simpsons,” or Seth Rogen films.

Aside from double standards and the cliched-but-true adage that “two wrongs don’t make a right,” I think of Nelson Mandela. After being imprisoned for 27 years by the racist South African government–Mandela said: ““We must strive to be moved by a generosity of spirit that will enable us to outgrow the hatred and conflicts of the past.”  



We rightly value mothers for being nurturing and enormously important in children’s lives, not to mention bearing the burden of pregnancy and giving birth. We talk about “mom and apple pie.”

But why are fathers still considered second-class parents by so many Americans–a subject I address in my forthcoming book, Man Out: Men on the Sidelines of American Life? (See:

The longstanding trope has been that fathers work and mothers take care of the kids (even if millions of mothers now work too). Mothers are loving and touchy-feely. Fathers are remote and in the background. Traditional masculinity means being tough and not showing your feelings, while being feminine means being caring and emotive.

A survey by the Pew Research Center found that 53 percent of Americans believe that mothers do a better job at parenting, 45 percent think that mothers and fathers do an equally good job, but just 1 percent believe that fathers are better at being parents.

This sotto voce assumption that mothers are innately better parents has not only been a guiding principle of family law since the mid-20th century, but remains powerfully ingrained in public beliefs. Philip Wylie, in his 1942 bestseller, Generation of Vipers, called it “momism.” For generations, some psychologists and feminists, Hollywood, and even children’s books have tended to portray fathers as biologically unfit, dangerous, lazy, or useless. We hear a lot about “deadbeat dads,” many–but not all–who are louts, while we also hear about heroic, struggling single moms.

This belief that mothers are better has long been reflected in child custody cases. The old “tender years” doctrine meant that young children almost automatically went to mothers. The times are a changing, slowly, as 25 states are considering “shared parenting” legislation, with the presumption of joint custody. However, “shared parenting” is not equal parenting; mothers still get most of the time. Nationwide, divorced dads get about 35 percent of their children’s time, according to a new National Fatherhood Institute report.

Many believe that the ranks of “new,” very engaged fathers is rapidly growing. Maybe in a few highly educated enclaves. Another Pew study found that about 2 million of the nation’s approximately 36 million fathers of minor children are nominally “house husbands,” at home with their kids. Another 2 million are single fathers. Pew says that only about 20 percent of these house husbands stay at home intentionally to care for their children. The Census puts that number at just over 10 percent. And BLS puts the 10-year increase at a whopping 0.3 percent of working-age men.

Workplaces and laws reinforce these biases and behaviors. Employers are much more likely to give maternity leave, and many men are afraid to ask for paternity leave, fearing that they would be seen as not committed to their jobs or just plain wimps. This is a far cry from countries like Sweden, where fathers get at least 90 days of paid paternity leave or Finland, where they get 8 weeks of paid leave

“Because of the way that we structure work, and the difficulties of managing caregiving and work responsibilities, it can lead one parent in two-parent families to specialize in one and one in the other,”Katherine Gallagher Robbins, with the progressive Center for American Progress. told me. So, this division of labor generally leaves mothers as caregivers and fathers as providers, even if they want to stay home to play with or read to their kids. Moreover, “men are too often an afterthought in conversations about working parents and workplace flexibility,” Karyn Twaronite, global diversity and inclusiveness officer for Ernst and Young, told The Washington Post.

Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. Although both should be caring and supportive of their children, they bring different strengths that kids need.

It’s still a long way off, culturally and legally, but fathers need to be treated as equal parents.